Where your decision-making actually falls apart


Reader

Decision-making is the first dimension on The Intention Gap Scorecard.

Not strategy. Not communication. Not resilience.

Decision-making.

Because after years of coaching senior leaders, I've seen it again and again. When pressure hits, this is the first thing to fall into the gap. You stop choosing from clarity. You start choosing from fear. You react instead of respond.

But here's what surprised me.

The place where decision-making falls apart most visibly isn't the boardroom.

It's at home.

Stay with me here.

You'd be amazed how often conversations with CEOs turn to relationships. Their marriage. Their kids. The tension between building something and being present for the people they love.

And here's the truth most people don't want to hear.

You are who you are. The same person shows up in both places. The way you communicate at home is the way you communicate in the boardroom. The energy you bring through your front door is the energy you bring into your leadership.

The patterns you run at home are the patterns you run at work.

Here's where the intention gap shows up.

Most leaders genuinely want a great marriage. They love their partner. They have every intention of building something meaningful together.

But the intention falls into the gap.

Life gets structured around children. You go to work. You come home. You spend time with the kids. You collapse. Repeat.

Somewhere along the way, you stop being husband and wife. You become co-managers of a household.

The intention was real. But you never made the decision to protect it.

When my wife and I got married, we had a conversation.

What kind of marriage do we actually want?

We made a decision. For this to work, it has to be intentional. Yes, we'd both have careers. Yes, we'd have children. But we would not let ourselves become just mum and dad. We would stay husband and wife.

In the early years, when we had no money, that looked like date nights at home. Intentional time. Not leftovers.

As the kids got older, it looked like holidays by ourselves. Just us. No guilt.

And here's what happened along the way.

As I've grown, she's grown. I'm constantly being introduced to who my wife is becoming. She's constantly being introduced to who I'm becoming. We're not out of sync. We're locked in.

That's what allowed me to leave my corporate career. That's what allowed her to step into new things. Because we're moving together, not apart.

Our kids have watched us model what a healthy relationship looks like. Mum and dad go away together. Mum and dad prioritise each other. It's so normal to them that it's just how things are.

We didn't have to explain it. We showed it.

It took time. It took effort. It took intention.

But more than anything, it took a decision.

Not one decision. Hundreds of small ones. To prioritise. To protect. To choose clarity over comfort.

This is what the first dimension measures.

  • Do you choose from clarity or from fear?
  • Do your values actually guide your biggest decisions, or do you abandon them under pressure?
  • Do you pause before acting, or do you let urgency hijack your judgement?
  • Do you back yourself after deciding, or do you second-guess until the moment passes?

These patterns don't just show up at work. They show up everywhere. And if they're costing you at home, I promise you they're costing you in the boardroom too.

Over the coming weeks, I'm going to break down each dimension of the scorecard in this newsletter. I started with decision-making deliberately.

Because if you can't make good decisions about the people closest to you, what makes you think you're making good ones at work?

Question Of The Week

  • Where is fear disguising itself as patience in your decision-making?

That question is harder to answer honestly than it looks. The scorecard helps you see what you can't.

The Intention Gap Scorecard is free. It takes five to seven minutes. And it will show you exactly where your intentions are falling into the gap and what to do about it.

[Take the scorecard here]

See you next Monday.

Closing The Intention Gap
Sope Agbelusi - Executive Coach, Facilitator, Strategist

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